Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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