Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
