ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My sheets look like a crime scene.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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