So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want nice things and good sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
