I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
