3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
