you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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