she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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