Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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