The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
