You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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