ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
