pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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