porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
