Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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