im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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