Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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