I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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