The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
