North Korea, Best Korea!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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