my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
