How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
