Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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