It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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