I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
