I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
