I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
