take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
