How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
