i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
