It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Two words: blizzard sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
