So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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