East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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