I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
