it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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