he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
did you just send me my own nude
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
