the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
