Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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