OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
