I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's great music for shaving your balls
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
