omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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