he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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