allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Found the puke drawer
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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