Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
