Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
