I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Randomize
