two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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