Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
