I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
