I am spending my child support on dildos
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everclear isn't food dammit
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
