the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
