Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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