Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
