she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
