porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
