Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
