i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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