There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
