Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
