My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he fucked my hip out of place.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
