Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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