Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
