Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
