the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
