I can tuck mytits in my pants
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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