Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
