On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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